Halloween Reflection

With November in the near future, holidays abound, I need to put this month in perceptive.

This month I:

-Won the first battle against Seasonal affective disorder.
-Made my Linux shinier.
-Finished every Vonnegut thing ever.
-Mistook my wireless mouse for my contact lens case.
-Hitchhiked in the mountains.
-Seriously considered a pea coat.
-Pretty much failed at everything.

Next month I hope I:

-Conquer S.A.D. once and for all.
-Make shinier Linux actually work.
-Maybe read a new author maybe?
-"Won't get fooled again". Lyrics by Pete Townshend
-Don't get eaten by a bear.
-Seriously buy the damn coat already.
-Fail a bit less at everything.

Gobble Gobble Gob--*Bang*

So I'm trying to figure out where my motivation is coming from.

Lately I've been very indignant at work when asked to help people make a "Turkey Deposit." Essentially this is a reservation for the organic turkeys we'll be selling for Thanksgiving. It's my understanding that we are supposed to even suggest to the customers that they get one. I don't know if it's been mentioned in the Chronicles, but I'm a vegetarian, and every day I get a little more crazy into it. So, for me to encourage a customer to order a turkey, in my head seems as if I've just murdered an innocent bird. I decided I would refuse to this, and I think that's fair. What worries me is that now when people come to me wishing to order a turkey, under only their own influence, I still feel disgusted that by entering a PLU I would be telling a farm somewhere that we need one more carcass in our store next month. The reason this situation seems different to me then when a customer simply buys a package of chicken breast is because these turkeys are still alive somewhere. Of course if my customers don't order one, someone else's will, there are only a set number of turkeys that will be delivered and they always sell out early. Any turkey I refuse to sell will be killed anyhow. But when I enter that code, I still feel the gravy on my hands.

Here's the worst part: There's some sort of contest. Whoever gets the most turkey deposits wins a bonus. Fuck. Keep your blood money. Well, perhaps I should lighten up. I've probably been a vegetarian for a much shorter time than most of my co-workers who are as well. They don't seem to mind any of this. So I'm trying to figure out where my motivation is coming from. Moral outrage and empathy for all living things? Or trying to demonize the corporation that I blame for my sour moods. More than likely it's the latter. But in defense of my honor I really do feel, each time, like I've pulled a trigger. I don't know man, read this "Ark of Taste" shit.

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I hate this place in the present, but I love it the past.