Dei mortui sunt.

This post is about two things, I'll state them now to keep me from straying from the point later:

The Garden of the Gods and God of War II. Recently (in 2006) there was an outrageous controversy created over a sex scene that the programmers of Grand Theft Auto: San Andres left hidden within the game, and if you had the right code or something, you could see the main character plugging his girlfriend. Apparently parents got angry about their kids playing a game that had pornographic content, and blamed the developers for not properly warning of this. Now I'm about to make a few assumptions here, so bear with me. I'm assuming that the game was rated Mature 17+ upon original release. More than likely it was stated on the box that the game contained extreme violence, and adult themes and language. I'm assuming that the parents knew that their kids had purchased a violent videogame, as it is clearly marked on the box, and many stores now refuse to sell minors M rated games (it may even be a law now). I'm assuming that the parents walked by the children's rooms and heard the incessant swearing and "urban lingo" of the game. Maybe some of them are still as dumb as a freaking brick and don't actually give videogames enough credit to think that they can be as violent as a R rated movie. I don't see how that's possible since it was decided after Columbine that videogames are evil and turn kids into murderous savages. I'll get to the point. There was a sex scene, and that's what caused everyone to freak out, and that's a part of why Take-two is in danger of a shareholder coup. Although that's probably happened already.. as this entry is a few weeks late. Anyway, let me get back on track.

Grand Theft Auto has a scene with moderately unimpressive graphics where two clothed characters hump each other, and the company get their heads bitten off, but I have yet to read an anger word about God of War I's sex mini-game where you hop into bed with two topless women and press buttons in a specific order in order to "win" and get a vitality boost or something. No one seemed to care. More assumptions of course. I was definitely less up on current events when GoW came out, so maybe it sparked some controversy that I missed. Well, that about ends my digression, as God of War II is meant to be my main topic here. This game, so I've read, contains ridiculously gory death scenes, granted they're mainly monsters and ugly things that die, but still this game, if not the most violent M-rated game, certainly should be ranking up there. But we've established that blood and guts don't really matter anymore. This game also includes a sex mini-game (see it here if that's your cup of tea) which is somewhat hilarious if you ask me. I don't think Sony is in any trouble for leaving that in there, not even hidden. Sigh... I'm getting off my topic again.

I don't really care that parents can't be bothered to monitor what their children play, I can't concern myself with the raging hypocrisy in American censorship, it hurts my soul too much to think about these things. What I absolutely must protest against is the plot of this game. In the first God of War, you make you way through Ancient Greece battling disturbing versions of well-known (to me at least) mythical beasts, *SPOILER ALERT* and in the end go against Ares himself, killing him with power granted to you by the gods, and you become the new God of War, I assume. In this one, so I hear, you go up against and annihilate Olympian after Olympian until, I once again assume, you have to lop off the head of Zeus himself. Hubris? That word doesn't even begin to capture the extreme sacrilege of this game. I joke to an extent. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have the desire to grab Aphrodite by the hair and swing her 270 degrees, then let go, sending her flying into to Hera's big ugly face. Who doesn't? But I wouldn't actually do it. I tell you what, when the flood comes, I'm not going to be on Poseidon's bad side. Approaching the matter from a different perspective, using a common analogy I've heard, imagine there was a game where you take a scythe, running around New England, killing off George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and the rest of the Founding Fathers. I'd imagine most would feel ill at ease to go around killing our own culture's legendary figures. Wow, now that I've typed that it actually doesn't sound that bad. They could call it something like Colonial Blood: The Scythe of Revolution, or The Declaration of Indeathpendence or maybe just Patricide.

I retract my statements, buy God of War I and II if you're into that sort of thing, but when you want to know the real story of how the Pantheon died, look me up. (Meteor fell, blocked out the sun).

Well, they had to die somehow, (cheesy tie-in) because they certainly weren't anywhere to be found in the Garden of the Gods! Above you see a close-up of the Three Graces, and check out the pictures below for more scenic views. Basically it was a large park area in the foothills area of Pike's Peak, a few miles outside of Colorado Springs proper. Before he left for the West Coast, Drakos the Elder, his girlfriend, and I all took a day trip down there. Springs is about two hours south of Boulder, maybe an hour from Denver. We saw very little of the city itself, although we did find a nice Nepalese place for dinner. I wanted to stop at Casa Bonita on the way back, but the Elder is what I like to call a fun-hater. Not like me, easy-breezy all day long... If you ever happen to make it to Colorado I would recommend at least driving past the Garden. Although they aren't really unearthly sights with treacherous hiking paths, they're definitely pretty. Just be careful not to wander off into forests alone... WEN-DI-GO!


Blogger Glauk├┤pis said...

Hmm, apparently, you didn't see Xena.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous heather said...

wait, what? hot raunchy porn?! why am i sitting here playing vice city?! i needs to go to the mall...

8:26 AM  
Blogger Drakos! said...

Not anymore. They released a Special Edition that took the "bug" out. There's nothing stopping you from getting God of War though.

10:06 AM  

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