El Laberinto del Fauno.
Thesis: It can be difficult seeing a movie out here in Boulder.
There are a number of factors which have led to my self diagnosed theater-delinquency. One is I refuse to go to the pictures by myself, and I have somewhere around the area of two friends out here, and they work 40+ hour weeks, unlike my lazy ass. Another is that the theaters near here are small, and maybe even shut down, so until the new one opens up on 29th, I have to make the trip out to Flatirons, which is in freakin' Broomfield, a short trip those who are automotively inclined, but the proud pedestrian like me is more or less confined to Boulder. There are buses that pass Flatirons on the way to Denver, but as of yet the hour commitment that would entail is beyond my comprehension. Yet another obstacle is the weekly snowstorm that has without fail dumped record amounts of precipitation. The AMC parking lot literally had 15 feet snowpiles, and US-36 was cut down to two lanes with roughly tire sized ditches. Finally, as I don't have cable, I don't see the trailers for these movies and am not subliminally tricked into seeing them.
Long story not quite as long but still beyond what could be considered short: The planets aligned in such a way that I was able to throw away my recent anti-social tendencies and invited myself along with some "close personal acquaintances" to see del Toro's war-torn fairy tale Pan's Labyrinth. This movie was without a doubt the most gory, blood-covered atrocity that I have seen in quite some time. Every solider at some point gets shot, and then shot several extraneous times, faces get bashed in, cut open, the camera is held on dying expressions in grotesquely fashion allowing you to see the life drain from their face as the brain reacts to a hot piece of lead being forced into it suddenly. Also, every mystical creature that appears is like a cross between Dark Crystal and Resident Evil 4. Fairies are no longer tiny Playmates with wings, but rather minature humanoid insectites. And then the Faun (Pan) himself, yeesh, I could never tell if he was going to turn suddenly and disembowel the beloved heroine. And of course there was one creature that will with out a doubt haunt me for the rest of my days.
So, if you were going out to see this movie thinking it would be something like David Bowie's Labyrinth (complete with Muppets), well just don't enter the theater with that impression. Enter the theater, for I do insist that you see this film, but bring with you a strong constitution for you will indeed see a disparaging amount of misfortune, and not quite as many puppets as one would hope for.
Also bring your reading glasses, or learn Spanish. It doesn't happen often that a subtitled picture makes its way into our trashy American cinemas, and if I've learned anything in this life, it's that foreign movies are always superior. It works both ways really. Try watching Ocean's Twelve with French audio. It makes an otherwise humiliating group of clichéd and avaricious performers sound less like goddamn Hollywood sock-puppets and more like fictional characters.
Conclusion: Pan's Labyrinth was worth the effort involved in making it to a theater.
Oh, and I've determined that the secret to good blogging is to only use the word fuck once per entry, so when it comes out, it means something. Aww.. fiddlesticks, I just wasted it.
There are a number of factors which have led to my self diagnosed theater-delinquency. One is I refuse to go to the pictures by myself, and I have somewhere around the area of two friends out here, and they work 40+ hour weeks, unlike my lazy ass. Another is that the theaters near here are small, and maybe even shut down, so until the new one opens up on 29th, I have to make the trip out to Flatirons, which is in freakin' Broomfield, a short trip those who are automotively inclined, but the proud pedestrian like me is more or less confined to Boulder. There are buses that pass Flatirons on the way to Denver, but as of yet the hour commitment that would entail is beyond my comprehension. Yet another obstacle is the weekly snowstorm that has without fail dumped record amounts of precipitation. The AMC parking lot literally had 15 feet snowpiles, and US-36 was cut down to two lanes with roughly tire sized ditches. Finally, as I don't have cable, I don't see the trailers for these movies and am not subliminally tricked into seeing them.
Long story not quite as long but still beyond what could be considered short: The planets aligned in such a way that I was able to throw away my recent anti-social tendencies and invited myself along with some "close personal acquaintances" to see del Toro's war-torn fairy tale Pan's Labyrinth. This movie was without a doubt the most gory, blood-covered atrocity that I have seen in quite some time. Every solider at some point gets shot, and then shot several extraneous times, faces get bashed in, cut open, the camera is held on dying expressions in grotesquely fashion allowing you to see the life drain from their face as the brain reacts to a hot piece of lead being forced into it suddenly. Also, every mystical creature that appears is like a cross between Dark Crystal and Resident Evil 4. Fairies are no longer tiny Playmates with wings, but rather minature humanoid insectites. And then the Faun (Pan) himself, yeesh, I could never tell if he was going to turn suddenly and disembowel the beloved heroine. And of course there was one creature that will with out a doubt haunt me for the rest of my days.
So, if you were going out to see this movie thinking it would be something like David Bowie's Labyrinth (complete with Muppets), well just don't enter the theater with that impression. Enter the theater, for I do insist that you see this film, but bring with you a strong constitution for you will indeed see a disparaging amount of misfortune, and not quite as many puppets as one would hope for.
Also bring your reading glasses, or learn Spanish. It doesn't happen often that a subtitled picture makes its way into our trashy American cinemas, and if I've learned anything in this life, it's that foreign movies are always superior. It works both ways really. Try watching Ocean's Twelve with French audio. It makes an otherwise humiliating group of clichéd and avaricious performers sound less like goddamn Hollywood sock-puppets and more like fictional characters.
Conclusion: Pan's Labyrinth was worth the effort involved in making it to a theater.
Oh, and I've determined that the secret to good blogging is to only use the word fuck once per entry, so when it comes out, it means something. Aww.. fiddlesticks, I just wasted it.
So Said - View this Entry
6 Comments:
wait did you just say Ocean's Twelve is better in French? honestly? And how does one perform avariciously?
Ocean's Twelve would be better in French because the sound of George Clooney's voice makes me want to die. And... I said that the actors themselves were avaricious, in that the movie was made purely so they could squeeze as much money out of the franchise and avoid having to learn to play new characters. Of course Clooney has never played a character a day in his life, he merely reads some writer's lines in the same monotone voice, expression, and personality.
I can't believe you'd talk about george like that... you clearly didnt see Syriana. Also Ocean's Twelve was not made so that they could squeeze as much money out of the franchis, Ocean's THIRTEEN is being made for that reason. DUH!
Also you made that movie sound like the worst thing ever and then followed that by saying everybody should see it. You should maybe work on logic a little. That and proof-reading
Who is this? I feel like I've heard your name before somewhere, but I can't put my finger on where that was.
Amy--what you propose is actually false logic. Sometimes horrible movies are worth seeing *because* they're so horrible. ;-)
I disagree. Also, if that was the case the word hilarious should have been in the review somewhere, as in: "The movie Ultraviolet was so awful it was really hilarious." Or so I hear.
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