My sweet new ride!

Feast your eyes on the finest of vehicle technology. Combining the awesome new advent of the wheel with the incredible power of uh.... torsion, let me introduce you to my new mode of transportation. It's called: A bike. What is that you ask? Well it may be best to explain it from the beginning. In 1834 a man by the name of Alester Cromwell came up with a brilliant idea. "Eureka!" He exclaimed, "I shall tie thine two gravels together and roll downward yonder mountain on topist of thems." (Love my inflected english do you?) Of course he promptly died, what with the war on, and the Coriolis effect. Many years later a German scientist by the name of Amler Von Gehtnacht found the Cromwell's journey buried under a pile of socks (some tube some ankle) and published them as his own findings, this time adding an airhorn and reflectors to the Cromwell model. Millions perished. That day became known as Bloody Sunday, as sung by Sunny Bono, even though records show it in fact took place on a Tuesday. It was not until "the awesome new advent of the wheel" (Drakos 3:14) that the modern design of the bike, or the Rolling Pipin-Dangle for short, was created. And here it is, the apex of all mankind:


Now many of you might be confused and ask, O Drakos!? How does something with only two wheels stay balanced enough to be ridden off into the evening twilight? Well, I haven't quite figured that out yet. I'm pretty sure the feet holder things have something to do with it, and I heard my friend the doctor mention something about centrifugal force, which from my extensive knowledge of Latin I know must mean the force of fleeing soldiers, so I'm thinking tiny armies run inside the tires. Now many of you (a different many from before) may say "I have a bike! You having one is nothing interesting." That's where you're wrong. I'll bet you've been too busy, ensconced, reading my blog, chewing your toenails, and watching M*A*S*H with little to no regard for the CONSTANT ingenuity that the bike industry has had coming to it from the most brilliant minds on Earth. This bike is complete with "it all."

It's got metal, it's got plastic, it's got rubber, it's fantastic.
Round the back you find the seat, padded up to be complete.
It's got a bottom, it's got a top, even a holder fer yer pop.
The fenders are made in Taiwan, and it's heavenly to sit upon.
You think I lie, but it's truth: This bike's got it all. Um.. uh.. forsooth.

So I'm pretty sure that's going to be last time I rhyme intentionally. Although I'm sure if I keep this up I'm bound to do it eventually. So here's the god's truth: the bike's fine. I hardly see what makes it a Comfort Bike but I'm sure my Mongoose will work out for what I need it for. Being on time to work for once. Fat chance. Alright, I'm gonna go practice out in the dark where no one can see me be a total failure at biking.